My Rose
by Ivoryplains
Summary: There was so much he wanted to say to the man, to accuse him of. "The first time you took her away she was gone for a whole year. One whole bloody year! Do you know what that was like? I knew you were dangerous, I knew you'd run off with her, and for one whole damn year I didn't hear a word. I was accused of murder, for all I knew she was dead, but I couldn't tell a soul!"
1. The Boy She Left Behind

_I've been watching a lot of Doctor Who in my spare time (what little I have) and decided to write a short fanfic about Mickey. I remember the first time I watched episode one of the new series how bad I felt for him; a steady boyfriend who was kissed, essentially told "thanks for nothing" and left on a street corner. The one thing that I feel was really underplayed in the series was how hard Mickey had things in the first season. It was easy to forget because he was always more interested in Rose than the ways he had been wronged._

_This story takes place during the first Christmas special when Rose returns with the new Doctor. Everything that Mickey has been holding in; his anger, sense of abandonment, jealousy towards the Doctor, comes pouring out as he unloads all of it on the unconscious man. I may continue this story…_

_Hope you enjoy!_

_I do not own Doctor Who or its characters_

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"How can he go changing his face?" Mickey groaned as he heard Rose and her mum in the kitchen, their voices drowning out the telly. He pressed hard on the volume button, hopping to overpower their conversation. Jackie was speaking of the Doctor of course; it was always about the Doctor when Rose was around. He supposed he should be getting used to it by now, but that feeling of constantly coming in second to the time lord was infuriating. He had been with Rose for years; they had been good together… then some alien with a police box time machine showed up and she dropped him like a bag of trash. He couldn't blame her though. She had always been a free spirit and when compared to the Doctor did Mickey really expect to be able to compete? The Doctor had offered her the whole of the universe, all he had was a steady income and loyalty... "Is that a different face or is he a different perso-"

"How should I know?" Rose's tone was sharp as she cut Jackie off. So that was the truth of it then. Rose had no idea who that man lying in the other room really was. The thought made him uneasy, angry even. What he wouldn't give to beat the Doctor senseless for what he was putting his Rose through, but he couldn't hit an unconscious man. Unable to sit still Mickey got up and walked over to Rose's bedroom, closing the door behind him as he entered.

Looking down at the strange man lying under the covers Mickey leaned against the door, clenching his fists a few times in an attempt to dispel some of the emotions that were coursing through him. The thought of this man sleeping in his Rose's bed disgusted him beyond words. He couldn't help but think of how many times he himself had spent the night in this very room… it had looked different back then, the walls had been pink. So much had changed since the Doctor got here, so much of it for the worse but Rose would not leave his side. Even now, after feeling such betrayal she would not abandon him.

"So here's the way I see it," he spoke after a long pause to the unconscious man, "you showed up here outa the blue one day and took my Rose from me. There was no warning, just one minute we're great and the next she's with you. I know you don't much care for me, 'Mickey the Idiot' that's what you call me; but you gotta understand what I've been through because of you." Pushing against the door, Mickey stood and began to pace the room, his hands clasped behind his back. He was silent again, collecting his thoughts; there was so much he wanted to say to the man, to accuse him. It was difficult to order all of them into coherence. Finally Mickey stopped pacing and whirled in place, pointing an angry finger at the Doctor.

"The first time you took her away she was gone for a whole year. One whole bloody year! Do you know what that was like? I knew you were dangerous, I knew you'd run off with her, and for one whole damn year I didn't hear a word. I was accused of murder, for all I knew she was dead, but I couldn't tell a soul or I would've been tossed in the nut house." There was no change in expression on the face of the sleeping time lord as Mickey lowered his shaking arm. "But as bad as that was, it was worse when you came back.

"Do you remember the way you left that time? Jackie was about to make a meal so she could get to know you, really give you a chance to become a proper part of Rose's life. Instead you called Rose up and drew her off again with your siren's call. Do you know who had to deal with the fallout from her mother when you left? Me. It's always me. Every time you pop in for a visit disaster strikes, and you don't even stick around for a spell afterwards, you just hop back in your little blue box and off you go with Rose in tow. No word on when you'll be back, not even a goodbye some times. You just go, and you take my Rose with you."

"Rose," the Doctor's voice was weak as he echoed the name in his sleep.

"Yeah Rose," Mickey growled turning to look out the window, "the girl you sent home in the Tardis when things got too dangerous to handle; that stupid girl that went back for you. Do you have any idea how long ago that was? I'll tell you this; there weren't Christmas decorations up back then. And all this time we had no idea if she was alive or not; not that it's much different from any other time she journeys off."

"I'm sorry…" The whispered words made Mickey start. Turning around he saw that the time lord was still unconscious in the bed.

"I would hope you're sorry. Do you know how much pain you've caused her? Even now she's still standing by you after you betrayed her." He paused for a moment, realizing how little he really knew about the incident. "What did you do anyways? What could happen that you would have to recreate yourself as an entirely new person? Rose isn't saying much about it but I'm not stupid, I know the circumstances were probably life or death. Well here's a news flash for you; Rose isn't capable of_ this_," he gestured angrily at the time lord, "if it had been her in your place she would be dead, and you couldn't have done anything to stop it."

"I...did it to save you…"

"To save me?" Mickey sneered. "That's a laugh. Do you know how far into the future you were? I'll be dead long before those events ever-."

"…please don't leave me…" Mickey froze as realization struck; none of the Doctor's unconscious words had been meant for him. _Rose, I'm sorry; I did it to save you. Please don't leave me… _"my Rose."

A lump formed in Mickey's throat as he dropped himself onto the foot of the bed, laying his head in his hands. He had felt this way once before; _'Thanks.' 'Thanks for what?' 'Exactly.' _She had spoken only two words to him that day, and it had felt as if each word took hold of a side and ripped his heart in two. When Rose had kissed him on the day he first met the doctor... as he had watched her run after the dangerous man he hardly knew... but the pain was worse this time. If his heart had been torn in two that day, today it had been shattered. Then he hadn't know how the Doctor had felt, then there was still a chance Rose would return to him, then the Doctor had been less...young.

"So one of you finally admits it..." Despite himself Mickey found he was laughing. "You're both daft you know. Rose isn't as good at hiding how she feels, but she would still deny it till the end of the world. You though, I was never sure you felt the same way she did." As he lifted his head he ran his palms over his face, "I suppose that's it then; I can't hope to compete with you. If you _ever_ allow harm to come to her though, I will find a way to kill you permanently." Silently he stood and made his way to the door. As his fingers reached the door handle he paused, "I'm not going anywhere either. Whenever she comes back here I'll always come running; so you'd better get used to me being around. I still love her, and I haven't given up just yet."

Then he was gone, leaving the unconscious time lord alone again in a room that housed so many years of memories that were Rose Tyler's life. Even in her extended absence the walls were still steeped in her life story. They seeped into his dreams, filling his unconscious realm with images of the woman he loved.

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_And there it is! Hope you enjoyed it. I've got some ideas brewing for a second entry of the Doctor's dream, but I unfortunately wrote this while stalling on a school essay, so it may be a while before that shows up on here... please give feedback and thanks for reading!_


	2. The Lost Memory

_Oh what's this? A part 2! How fun :) Hope you enjoy it, it's been a long time in the works, and I finally found time to brush it up a bit._

_I do not own Doctor Who or its characters_

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The Doctor was in a state of unconscious regeneration surrounded by a vast nothing. This was the way he preferred things when he was not awake. No light no dark, no thoughts no dreams… just a vast nothing as far as the mind's eye could see. Unlike humans he could control his thoughts as he slept, keep his subconscious in check from doing too much soul searching damage. If he were to release it and let it wander free he knew where it would go; places that he had tried to leave behind, thoughts that were better left unexplored. It was difficult to manage this control so soon after changing forms, but so far it seemed to be working. Far off he heard a noise. The sound of a door opening and closing, someone was in the room with his sleeping body. He could hear a voice speaking to him, but he let it slip away…falling back into the nothing around him…

"…took my Rose from me..." Mickey. It was Mickey's voice. Recognition was all it took for the Doctor to lose the grip he held on his subconscious. Suddenly he was hurdling though his mind; flung to one of the places he did not dare venture by the sound of a single name. _Rose…_

She was standing in front of him now, in a beautiful sleek ball gown the same colour blue as her eyes. Her gaze was intense as she stepped closer to him; locking his eyes with her own he found there was no escaping her. "You kissed me." Her lips were so close to his own he could taste her as she spoke; the faint flavor of cherry and pineapple drawing him in…

_It's only in your mind, _he reminded himself. Your_ subconscious is remembering how she had tasted when your lips touched..._

"If you're remembering," Rose's voice asked sweetly, "then where did this dress come from?" She took a step back, twirled once around, and then curtsied. He opened and closed his mouth a few times but no noise came out. He knew full well he had not imagined that dress into being. Try as he might, he couldn't control this Rose in his mind. "My Doctor lost for words? That's not usual." she teased.

"You told me you forgot what happened." He said at length.

She smiled, "Rose did, but I'm not her. Rather, I'm not the part of her that forgot."

The Doctor's eyes widened, "That isn't possib-"

"Isn't it?" she tilted her head, smiling innocently. "I was a part of her when she looked into the heart of the Tardis, I was there when you kissed her… but as you drew the power out of her you took me with it. Do you know what I am Doctor?"

A strange feeling formed in the pit of his stomach, "You're Rose's lost memory… the memory of our kiss." This was worse than being trapped within his own mind. He knew what would come next, the conversation he had hoped never to have. "Why the dress then?" he asked hopping to stall.

To his surprise the memory of Rose blushed, "That's the funny thing about memories; humans tend to alter them to preserve the feelings of them rather than the content."

"So the dress is an emotional projection onto the memory of the kiss?" She smiled and nodded. "Must have been quite the kiss."

"Don't you remember it?"

"Oh no I do…" he smiled as he looked past her and into his own memory then shaking his head he continued, "but I had a lot on my mind at the time. As a human you've chosen to remember select parts of the situation, where as I tend to remember the whole of it. You were going to die."

"But I didn't"

"But you could have!" He was pacing back and forth along the aisle. Aisle? The Doctor looked around; they were standing in a church… no… the church. The church that Rose's father died outside of. "What are we doing here?" Looking to Rose he saw that her dress was changing shades; it was turning white. His face paled, "Rose, don't do this…please."

The forgotten memory smiled apologetically at him, "I don't have any more control over this than you do Doctor. I am made up of the images that flowed through Rose's mind in that instant, I cannot change a thing." She looked so beautiful it made his hearts ache.

"This is what she thought of?" he chuckled and shook his head, "Oh my Rose… she's so fantastic sometimes I forget she is still a human girl."

The memory shook her head. "This isn't a thought Doctor. Do you remember what I told you before you drew the power out of me?"

"You said your head was killing you."

"Just before that bit my Doctor."

"You could see everything."

"All that is, all that was…"

"All that ever could be." Looking down at himself he realized he was now dressed in a suit. "This isn't an emotional projection is it?" She shook her head. "But I'm a time lord. I could never have this life…"

"No? Perhaps not anymore, but in the time when you were kissing me this future came into being. Is it hard to believe that it could come to pass; a human and her Doctor?"

"But the genetic differences-"

"-were non-existent once I looked into the time vortex."

"That's a lie." He was angry now, this fragmented memory was tempting him with things he could never have. "The vortex and the knowledge were hurting you. I had to draw them out of you."

"They hurt me just as they hurt you Doctor. I know all that ever was. I saw you look into the vortex so long ago in your life. I watched as you ran from it."

"But you didn't run Rose, you wouldn't let go. It was going to destroy you."

"Or it may have made me regenerate. I had the power of the universe inside of me; I was trying to rewrite my genetic material."

"I can't… I _won't _believe that. I can't." The Doctor heard his own voice crack and he took a deep breath. "Is it really true?" The face of Rose's memory responded with a sad smile and a slight nod; tears were welling in her eyes. "Rose, I'm sorry; I did it to save you."

"I know my Doctor," the church and their clothes faded in his mind, replaced by a large white room, "before you wake, I'm going show you something else I saw. This is a future that may still come to pass."

"I can't know about my own future!"

"Please listen my Doctor," she pleaded, "I do not have the power to alter this course, but you just might. I don't want to lose you."

At that the Doctor froze, "How are you going to lose me?"

The memory sighed, "It will happen in this room. In a battle with two of your greatest foes, I will become trapped beyond even your reach."

"What do you mean? How can I save you?" The image of Rose was fading, becoming a part of his own mind; his memory now, no longer a part of the woman he loved.

"I'm sorry my Doctor, I wish I knew." She was all but gone now, a shimmering echo of the person she was drawn from.

As she faded into nothing the Doctor fell to his knees. The feeling of emptiness that engulfed him was unbearable. "Please don't leave me…" he whispered to the empty world around him, "…my Rose."

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_Thus ends part 2. Please review, I love feedback good or bad. I write to improve my skill, not just for fun; so if you have something you think I should work on, please let me know :) There may be a part 3 eventually, still not sure._


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